est. 1981

well this was my day; how was yours?

In Uncategorized on March 26, 2006 at 9:54 am
So Thursday was a shitty day. It was a long, exhausting day at the end of a long, exhausting week. I barely slept all week as I was doubled up at both jobs every day. I was tired, and just a little hungry. You see, I didn’t eat before work, because I have no food at home, and I didn’t eat anything when I got to work, because there was a meeting that was catered, which means free food. So I waited, and I got free breakfast. That was nice. And it was a long meeting, which meant there would be lunch too. So I waited, and I waited, and the meeting never ended. I was patient, I waited, and while I waited, the person who shares an area with me, basically my partner who has to be there if I’m not there, went to a doctor’s appointment. So I continued to wait, all the while getting more and more hungry, yet still hoping that I would get free lunch. I gave up on the lunch eventually, around about two in the afternoon, and decided that I would go get food when my partner got back. Then things started going wrong: one of the people she supports missed an appointment, people started yelling at me, I couldn’t solve any of the problems, and a was in a dangerous state of hunger where I couldn’t even think straight. I finally got out that, got something to eat, and got out of there, only to head to my other fucking job. Which, of course, was yet another night that reminded me why I am finished there in a week. Stupid events, stupid people not communicating, stupid requests that are completely unreasonable, and dear god I wanted to kill someone. And I was still fuckin hungry.
I started to think about the school I used to go to when I was very little. It was a weird institution that a system for teaching self-regulation to the students that was basically responsibility through deprivation. You were required as a student to complete two assignments in the morning, every day. If you didn’t, you weren’t allowed to eat lunch until you were finished. Need less to say, I had many days when I didn’t get to eat until the late afternoon, if at all. This was a bad motivation for me, simply because I would still not finish the assignment, and would instead just sit in the corner where I was supposed to be working and cry. This was how I felt on Thursday. My body was literally beginning to shut down from lack of sleep and food, and part of me wanted to crawl into a closet and cry, which I don’t do anymore. I’ll fully concede that I used to cry a lot: my mom’s an actress, and weeping was a very common occurrence in my household. However, I have basically removed that physical response from my emotional lexicon: I just don’t cry anymore. Not the healthiest of things to do, but it’s what I do. And then I went to my other job and almost walked out. Shitty, shitty day.

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