est. 1981

Rodents that know choose Quizno’s

In Life on November 30, 2005 at 10:55 pm
I discovered this afternoon that the sandwich of choice for pigeons is apparently Quizno’s. I say this because as I was sitting around eating lunch today, I noticed that the pigeons in the area had settled around me as they waited for crumbs. And not just a couple of pigeons, all of them: There were six other people eating in the immediate vicinity, and I had attracted all of the scavenging attention with my hot toasted sub. Two had even hopped up onto the bench next to me and were staring at me as I ate. It was oddly cute, to the point that I would have reached out and pet one of them if I weren’t afraid of catching a disease.Then it occurred to me that this might make a good add for Quizno’s. You could have three guys eating sandwiches in a park, one eating Subway, one eating Blimpie, the third eating Quizno’s, and all of the pigeons are flocked around the Quizno’s guy. Meanwhile, the Subway and Blimpie guys are dropping chunks of sandwich on the ground, throwing pieces of bread at the birds, and there’s no response to anything other than the thought of Quizno’s.Granted, this does associate Quizno’s with dirty, disease carrying, flying rodents, but it’s still better than that goddamn talking baby.Then I thought to myself: “What the fuck do you care how they sell their sandwiches? You already bought one, dip shit!”I went back to work after that.

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